The Nefertiti Mask is exact replica of the Egyptian queen Nefertiti (ca. 1350 BC), explains Noten. "Amongst other items it contains Botox to shape the face of the wearer."

The 3-D printed Dior 002 Gun conceals a flash drive, Dior lip-gloss, a diamond, and space for pills.

An expanded view of the gun reveals its many wonders.

The Chastity Belt is embedded with a video screen and precious gems. "Chastity belts have conflicting connotations. Their primary purpose seemed to reside in preventing women to engage actively in sexual intercourse. However, some use them to create just the opposite impression," says Noten.

A Chatelaine was a belt of tools and keys that was worn in the 18th and 19th century by women in charge of their estates. "With this contemporary take on the chatelaine, the wearer can for instance show off her wealth and status with the credit card fan, one of the 12 different modular items," says Noten of his contemporary version.

Glasses for a Woman on the Warpath contain hidden compartments housing items like a crystal ice pick. A golden raised eyebrow brings the sass quotient.

A Purse of Wonders contains anti-wrinkle sperm whale oil, lipstick, drug paraphernalia, a wedding ring, and a crystal ball.

According to the designers, the Trophy Helmet is "the ultimate showpiece for a woman on the hunt. It represents both her valuable possessions as well as her resolve to obtain them. She is provided with a variety of tools including a radar device and a telescope."

An image of the helmet makes its wearer look like a high-fashion cyborg.


A Botox-Equipped Survival Kit For "Women On The Hunt"

Atelier Ted Noten is raising hackles with a series of objects they call "necessities" for the modern woman. Intelligent or insipid?

The best kind of satire is ambiguous, within the realm of possibility—upsettingly real. Dutch jeweler Ted Noten's latest collection—7 Necessities—is all of those and a bit more.

Noten became famous for tongue-in-cheek (literally) jewelry like gold brooches cast from chewing gum, and a vending machine in Amsterdam’s red light district that dispensed red rings to thoughtful johns ("Be nice to a girl, buy her a ring"). Four years later, 7 Necessities builds on Noten’s heavily gendered portfolio, offering up absurdist objects that "every woman" needs. The project stems from Noten’s self-described "quest to determine what every woman needs in a survival kit, under any imaginable circumstance, in order to ‘be her own man’ without forfeiting her femininity."

Among the must-haves? A mask that dispenses Botox, molded to look like Nefertiti; a gun that holds a thumb drive, drugs, and a diamond; a chastity belt with an embedded video screen; and a helmet with a built-in radar system for a "woman on the hunt." A purse of wonders holds anti-wrinkle sperm whale oil, a wedding ring, lipstick, and a crystal ball (all women are witches, duh). The objects are 3-D printed in white and inlaid with a crust of diamonds and gold.

What does it mean for a man to tell a woman that "survival" is about looking young and "snaring a man?" Not that much, somehow. The male-driven vision of femininity perpetrated by the fashion world for decades isn’t all that different from Noten’s satirical vision, although 7 Necessities seems to be mocking third-wave feminism more than it mocks the fashion world. But the objects are beautifully designed if you can get past their cringe-inducing similarity to the real world. And really, what woman hasn’t had the thought as she walks out of the house, [iThis outfit would really pop with a video-enabled chastity belt[/i]?

Check out all the pieces above, or head over to Noten’s website for more.

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