A Botox-Equipped Survival Kit For “Women On The Hunt”

The best kind of satire is ambiguous, within the realm of possibility--upsettingly real. Dutch jeweler Ted Noten's latest collection--7 Necessities--is all of those and a bit more.

Noten became famous for tongue-in-cheek (literally) jewelry like gold brooches cast from chewing gum, and a vending machine in Amsterdam’s red light district that dispensed red rings to thoughtful johns ("Be nice to a girl, buy her a ring"). Four years later, 7 Necessities builds on Noten’s heavily gendered portfolio, offering up absurdist objects that "every woman" needs. The project stems from Noten’s self-described "quest to determine what every woman needs in a survival kit, under any imaginable circumstance, in order to ‘be her own man’ without forfeiting her femininity."

Among the must-haves? A mask that dispenses Botox, molded to look like Nefertiti; a gun that holds a thumb drive, drugs, and a diamond; a chastity belt with an embedded video screen; and a helmet with a built-in radar system for a "woman on the hunt." A purse of wonders holds anti-wrinkle sperm whale oil, a wedding ring, lipstick, and a crystal ball (all women are witches, duh). The objects are 3-D printed in white and inlaid with a crust of diamonds and gold.

What does it mean for a man to tell a woman that "survival" is about looking young and "snaring a man?" Not that much, somehow. The male-driven vision of femininity perpetrated by the fashion world for decades isn’t all that different from Noten’s satirical vision, although 7 Necessities seems to be mocking third-wave feminism more than it mocks the fashion world. But the objects are beautifully designed if you can get past their cringe-inducing similarity to the real world. And really, what woman hasn’t had the thought as she walks out of the house, [iThis outfit would really pop with a video-enabled chastity belt[/i]?

Check out all the pieces above, or head over to Noten’s website for more.