This is David Neevel.

He lives in Portland, and he has strong opinions about how he likes his Oreos.

Namely, without cream.

So he made a machine for de-creaming them.

First, you put in an Oreo.

(Don’t try this at home.)

The cookie is then split with a hatchet. A piece of floss makes sure nothing sticks.

The face of a man who hates cream.

Once split, the sides are carried over to a tray where a CNC router chisels away all the offending sugary spread.

Mmmm.

Co.Design

Watch: A Physicist Invents A Machine To De-Cream Oreos

Because there’s nothing more delicious than a job well done.

I’ve never really understood the urge to pull apart Oreos, but I suppose once you get in the habit of doing it, it’s hard to stop, sort of like how you’d never come across a wishbone and just leave it there intact. And with all that comes the inevitable question of preference. Some like the side with cream, some like the one without. Still, most will end up gladly eating both. But not David Neevel. His distaste for the cream side is so strong that he built a machine just for getting rid of it.

Neevel, we’re told, is a physicist—but he’s also a copywriter at Wieden + Kennedy Portland, and this video is the first in a series the company is producing about people who take unusual approaches to the cream-or-no-cream debate. So it’s hard to say how deep Neevel’s no-cream allegiance truly runs.

But his machine, and his explanation of it, are entertaining nonetheless. The contraption moves an Oreo in place, stands it on end, splits it with a hatchet, uses a bit of floss to make sure the break is clean, conveys the cleaved pieces over to another section, and, finally, uses a CNC router to chisel away every trace of cream from both sides of the original cookie. In goes an Oreo, out come two perfectly de-creamed cookie discs.

The appeal is the same as any other Rube Goldberg machine. It’s fun to see simple things done in a complex way. What is more curious, here, is the matter of motivation. Whether you eat it first or second, isn’t the cream side essential to the Oreo experience? Doesn’t this challenge our very understanding of what an Oreo is? And as long as we’re getting into it, how could anyone hate that sweet, sweet cream to this extent? Maybe it gets stuck in his mustache.

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