Love Spark is a “productivity app for love."

Sure, it’s full of explicit sexual positions.

And even some interesting workflow visualizations.

But at its core, Love Spark is a to-do app for your love life.

The app offers romantic tips--bundled advice that’s part of the app’s greater monetization scheme.

But something about its iBooks-style interface, mixed with tricks like this to be very specific about your preferred sexual positions…

…feels oddly sexually repressed, to be perfectly honest.

Maybe you’ll disagree.

The app is free to try, so there’s no risk of losing your buck.

But may I be so bold to point out…

…we all look way sexier when our faces aren’t hiding behind a screen.

Co.Design

An iPhone App That Turns Kinky Sex Into A To-Do List

If you’ve got game, do you really need gamification?

Tell me if this sounds familiar. You’re in bed with your sweetie. Neither of you is wearing many clothes. (Hot.) Both of you pull out iPhones. (Hotter.) You slowly scroll through your to-do lists of sexual positions. (Hotter still!) Then you send an SMS across the sheets, along with the comment “I’d tap that.” (Ooh, too hot!)

Now, maybe your sex life is more futuristic than mine, but this is the unlikely use case scenario promised by Love Spark, the latest iOS/Android app by Perigee that’s marketed as a “productivity app for love” and is, in no uncertain terms, a to-do list for your sex life.

“We don’t think a to-do feature is the total opposite of human intimacy in this case,” a Perigee rep tells me. “You could for example mark [a] couple of things as to-do as you browse, then when the time is right why not revisit your to-do lists with your lover, or mail [a] couple of suggestions to them as foreplay? We’ve heard beta testers being quite happy about this feature.”

It’s seduction by the school of Asperger’s, complete with efficient, social, and addictive interactions that have been lifted from apps you know—add a position to a to-do list, favorite it, share it and even get an achievement for trying it! Meanwhile, each UI element has been well-considered for maximum generic appeal, with a combination of pure paper and linen textures that make me think “iBooks for sex.”

“We avoided any explicit language or graphics and focused on making Love Spark warm, subtle, and including,” Perigee explains. “Also, the added humor in the descriptions is there to disarm any fear or anxiety, simply remind the user that there’s no right or wrong, just trying out something new.”

But Love Spark is actually lost in its complete lack of perspective. It’s not a sex app for anyone; it’s a sex app for no one—with a level of optimistic genericism that’s borderline sociopathic. And I’m not even referring to the sexual positions (or places, incidentally) as the most unsettling part: It’s the romantic “ideas” section full of tips that will really make your stomach churn, like this one:

Rock Solid

While walking with your partner on a weekend getaway, pick up a smooth stone and say that you will keep it as a memento of your trip.

Later, take the stone to a jeweler and engrave a special message such as 'Our love is rock solid’ and give it to your partner.

Now, this post is a little cruel to Love Spark. In the strictest sense of interface, the app is a solid piece of layout and programming, with bespoke artwork to boot. But the fact that this app was made as anything more than a Spencer Gifts-style novelty gift shows me how out of touch mobile developers are becoming with core human interaction. By all means, have weird sex with the one you love! Just don’t make a to-do list out of it.

You know, unless to-do lists are your extremely specific fetish.

Download it here.

[Image: Couple via Shutterstock]

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