Infographic: Porn Vs. Real Sex, Explained In Food

Put it this way: A banana and a jar of Nutella can go a long way toward explaining the difference between pornography and real-life romping.

In the Fast and the Furious series, drivers pull off some amazing stunts. They can drag safes, take down tanks, and accommodate several people hopping in and out a T-top at once (in spite of surrounding explosions). But just like you wouldn’t expect to cliff dive from a falling car with all the grace of Vin Diesel, you probably shouldn’t expect your partner to partake in the wild, oft-dangerous fornication of Ron Jeremy*.

Let’s try another analogy. How about food? This fantastic piece by Kornhaber Brown illustrates the the differences between porn sex and real sex in food. You’ll watch as a proud zucchini is chopped from pornstar to civilian male size, as cilantro argues for the case of unshaven genitalia, as a trussed chicken quantifies light bondage, and as the inevitable champagne bottle bursts forth with statistics of real-world stamina.

But it’s not just silliness for silliness’s sake; this clip is well-designed sex education. By coupling innocuous foods with taboo topics, the presentation drops our inherent prudishness and becomes an analogy that anyone is comfortable relating to. And maybe more important, it’s refreshingly funny. Imagine if they showed this intentionally hilarious video in schools (to encourage real laughter) rather than unintentionally hilarious dry alternatives (that just encourage nervous laughter).

In convincing us to laugh at foods doing it, we’re able to laugh at ourselves doing it. But let’s go out to eat for date night all the same. I don’t like the way the crock pot’s been looking at you lately.

[Hat tip: Laughing Squid]

*Regarding the movie metaphor, Will Forte might actually get things pretty close in Macgruber.

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6 Comments

  • saschee

    So there's one question left … how many percent of real women also scream „fuck, shit, fuck, shit“ all the time, compared to 99% in the movies?

  • mori.kiyoshi

    That depends on how vocal the woman is. Some women do actually shout the "Oooh fuck!" part and some don't.

    I personally don't like being vocal at all--not even moaning. I do make some noise though, even though I don't like to, because the boyfriend likes it when I make noises.

  • You'll never know the difference between porn sex and real sex if you don't know the difference between a "proud zucchini" and a cucumber. Basic veggie knowledge.

  • TL Leigh

     I might not be able to look at a cucumber the same again! Thanks for sharing.