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Design Crime

It Is Now Possible To 3-D Print Your Unborn Fetus

Forget grainy black and white ultrasounds. The newest baby accessory is a 3-D doll of your fetus.

So you dropped some cash and upgraded to a 4-D ultrasound, and now you’re thinking to yourself, "Well I’ve already had my unborn baby’s glamour shots captured in every dimension known to man. Now how else can I prepare for my child's arrival?"

We’re glad you asked. Have you ever considered baby-proofing eating better rekindling relationships with estranged family members saving for college 3-D printing the little angel?

For $600, a company named 3D Babies will turn your ultrasound into a life-sized fetal sculpture, delivered in a satin-lined wood box that would be impolite to call a coffin.

Let's break down a few of the selling points, as stated on the company Website:

"Imagine holding your baby before he or she is born."

Just don’t drop it, because if you thought breaking a mirror was bad joojoo, just wait until you’re crawling around the kitchen floor, sorting the dismembered toes of your algorithmically printed offspring from dried pasta noodles.

"This is a great way to share the excitement of your new baby with family and friends."

Your friends will be every bit as accepting of this as they were when you told them that you’d looked at the research and decided not to vaccinate. And they definitely won’t debrief about your 3-D printed baby when they get in the car to drive home from dinner, and that's guaranteed, or your money back.

"Your 3D Baby will be a treasured family remembrance of your pregnancy and new baby."

Most definitely. Your new baby will just love seeing his or her plastic doppelganger displayed on the shelf right next to your Hummel figurines. It’s never too early to plant the seeds of sibling rivalry—especially for an only child.

But the fun doesn’t stop there, friends. Just wait until your kid is older and the 3-D printed fetus usurps the stodgy old baby book. It's a corporeal familial tome to be shared with countless first dates, countless last dates, and who knows, maybe even a few fiancees, too. The more the merrier!

At this point, I know what a few of you are thinking. You’re thinking, "Gosh, this baby printing service sounds like a part of the human experience I’d hate to lose out on, but I don’t want children" or "I adopted." That’s not a problem at all. You can still order a baby! And not just any baby, a celebrity baby, and not just any celebrity baby, but the ultimate celebrity baby. BABY NORTH WEST. Yes, that is the baby of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, the culmination of the two most powerful DNAs in pop culture, sitting on your mantle, bringing a whole new meaning to the term "conversation piece," for a mere $250—that's $350 less than you may have paid for your own kid!

Order one here.

[Hat tip: WebProNews]

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