According to this weird interactive infographic by basketball site Triangle Offense, Rihanna’s almighty presence at NBA games improves home teams’ performance an average of 6.1%. It’s been speculated before that RiRi is secretly a witch–even a member of the Satanic Illuminati (!)–and here we finally have some hard evidence.
Tracking Rihanna’s impact by location, the infographic also reveals that the Nets are the team that get the biggest boost from her magical powers: they average a -0.53 point differential when she’s not in the building, but a +2.67 when she’s watching.
When it comes to individual players’ performances, a few go gangbusters when Rihanna is playing cheerleader: Oklahoma City Thunder forward Kevin Durant’s point average, rebound average, and shooting percentage all increase when she’s around.
But some players appear to be cursed rather than charmed by Rihanna: when she’s at a Nets game, Deron Williams’s scoring average drops to around 14 points instead of his usual 16. (Joe Johnson picks up the slack, though–his scoring increases to 22 PPG.) Similarly, the Heat’s Dwayne Wade’s shooting percentage drops a little over 10 percentage points when she shows up.
Impressive as this breakdown is, we’d like to see some more analysis of Rihanna’s courtside witchcraft: do her eyes glow while she’s watching games? Does she mutter stuff, like when Professor Quirrell put a curse on Harry Potter’s broom during that Quidditch game in The Sorceror’s Stone? This data could fuel all kinds of insane new conspiracy theories about the Illuminati Princess.CD