Now that Donald Trump has revealed Indiana Governor Mike Pence will be his VP running mate, the campaign has unveiled its official logo.*
Let’s run through all of the possible meanings of this thing:
It’s A Penis That Is Literally F***ing The GOP
Look at how the T is penetrating the P. You can almost see Trump forcing himself into the GOP, while Pence counters with a bear hug of traditional conservatism. But if artist renderings are to be believed, we can’t really look at the logo with such an interpretation. So let’s move on.
Probability That Trump Could Legitimately Half-Penetrate The GOP: 2%
It’s A Sports Logo
That flag with two bold, sans serif letters? That’s not built for some infinitely adaptable Twitter campaign, like Hillary’s H arrow. That’s built for body paint on the growing gut of a drunken Texas A&M freshman who’s just beer bonged a sixer of America. Given that Trump has been long obsessed with owning sports franchises, from back when he bought the New Jersey Generals in 1983 in a league that was meant to compete with the NFL, there’s some plausibility here.
Probability That Trump Thinks The Presidential Race Is Just A Sporting Event: 87%
It’s A Typo! It Doesn’t Say “Pence,” It Says “Fence”
We’ve checked half a dozen times, and Trump’s running mate is definitely Governor Mike Pence. But we look at this logo and just see Fence.
Probability That Mike Pence’s Name Has Always Been A Typo And His Birth Certificate Reads “Fence”: 33%-75%
No Other Name Can Physically Be Printed Next To “Trump”
The Trump brand has always just been Trump. Why is that? It’s strong, adaptable, and has a certain panache of gold vodka and Brazilian waxes that some people like. Truly, “TRUMP” looks good alone. Add another name like Fence, I mean Pence, and its heroic brand equity melts away.
Probability That No One Else Should Get THAT Close To Trump: 100%
* UPDATE: After being widely mocked on social media, the Trump campaign has pulled the flag logo from its site and replaced it with a stacked version of Trump over Pence. The file name is actually “tp_newer_logo” on the site.
As Trump campaign spokesman Jason Miller justified the decision to CNN, “We have a number of logos. The final one won’t be unveiled until the convention.”